Chuck vs the Sunflowers
by KittyGoddess415
Summary: A Sarah reassignment angst/fluff one-shot. Vaguely inspired by Led Zeppelin's "That's the Way" and my own melancholy. Charah in the end, have no fear.


**Chuck vs. the Sunflowers**

**A.N.** Fluff and nonsense. Vaguely inspired by Led Zeppelin and a summer day.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Chuck. My forthcoming Season Three AU guarantees I never will. I doubt they'd like it. Sucks for them. ;)

* * *

He stood uncertainly before her door, clutching the bouquet behind his back. He knew it was likely the last time he'd ever see her, and wanted her last memory of him to be sweet. He knocked.

"Chuck, you shouldn't be here," she whispered from the other side of the door.

"But I am, and you have to go. You have to walk out this door sometime."

_I wish I didn_'_t,_ she mentally sighed.

It took all his energy to keep his tone conversational, easy. "Come on, Sarah," he teased. "It's not so bad. Are you really going to miss the free frozen yogurt that much?"

The door opened, and the answer in her eyes tore at his heart. He whipped the bouquet from behind his back with a flourish, hoping to keep it light for both their sakes.

"Sunflowers?" She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

He only shook his head and smiled. "I don't know whether wherever you're going next will have the same sunny disposition as LA. I just wanted to make sure you could bring some sunshine with you." He handed her the bouquet, brushing her fingers softly, lingeringly, as he did so.

She buried her face in them. "I don't want to hurt you," she whispered, unable to meet his eyes. "I promised you I'd never hurt you."

"Oh, Sarah," he sighed. He caressed her cheek, taking her hand in his. "I'm the nerd who got to be with the supermodel, without the whole taking my money thing, since I don't really have any -- " He broke off with a self-deprecating laugh. "So much for the big romantic moment." He met her gaze and sighed. "I want you to stay. You know I want you to stay. But I also know that you have so much more to do, so many more important things to do than stay here with me."

"Chuck, I –

"Sarah, don't." It came out harshly, and he cringed but continued. "I know you care about me, but I know you have a job to do. You're fantastic at it, and it's important. If someday that job is done, or you're done with it, I know you'll be able to find me."

"I don't deserve you," she sighed.

The bitterness seeped into his voice as a reply escaped him, unbidden. "You don't have me." _Damn it, Chuck!_ He cursed himself, and looked up to see her watching him, clutching the sunflowers in a death grip, tears standing in her eyes.

"Bye, Sarah." His long legs ate up the distance to the elevator, but even when the doors closed, she hadn't moved, or said goodbye.

***

Years passed. It shocked him that time would march on when his heart was frozen. Years, passed. Seasons changed, and love came and went in his life. No one reached the core of him after her. He wouldn't let them, couldn't.

He believed her when she said she'd never hurt him, trusted her as she'd asked.

And so he was certain, bone-deep, that when she'd purged her demons, she'd come back to him.

***

Time crawled. The skin she wore grew too tight, day by agonizing day. She could feel something withering, dying within her, in a way she never had before. She had always been able to maintain that separation of her innermost self from the deeds she was charged to do. But compromised was compromised, and she couldn't stop the ripple effect of allowing herself to feel. The world seemed gritty and dark, unworthy of her efforts. For the first time she understood Chuck's frustration – what use was sacrificing everything he was and wanted when no one ever knew?

She understood because she did it every day. And after years of it, grinding herself down to dust...it wasn't worth it. Not anymore. She knew better. She knew what else there was to life, and she wanted it for herself.

As she felt herself drifting away, the memory of him and what could have been was a lifeline. So she started to tug.

***

He was slightly ashamed to admit it, but he still saw her everywhere. A glimpse of blonde waves, a vaguely familiar gait, all made his heart stop for just a moment. He watched for her, waited for a sign, for a glimpse. A note, a scent, a picture. Anything, anything at all.

Despite what Ellie and Morgan believed, he loved. He loved Heather, his co-worker at the now-aboveboard Roark Industries, a leggy and pretty brunette. She was the antidote to his depression, she could talk shop with him and together they developed Roark's newest software interface. But he found when they were done developing the interface, they were done developing their relationship. He loved April, the petite redhead with the ready smile and the easy jokes. She made him laugh, played his games, shared her hopes and dreams. She was almost enough, but he couldn't yet bring himself to give up the ghost that haunted his life. April said she understood when he left her, but the tears in her eyes cursed him as the worst sort of bastard. And he realized he had done to her what Sarah had done to him. April shared with him. But he held himself apart.

And so he stopped trying for romance. He could feel himself drifting further away from the memory of her, more into the reality he was constantly confronted with. No Sarah, no fairy tale.

But there was still that tiny part of him that remembered her holding the sunflowers he'd gotten her, and the unshed tears in her eyes.

***

She lined up the shot, took it, and broke down the sniper setup in record time. As she skimmed down the steps to the extraction point, she blew out her breath in a hiss. _I_'_m getting as bad as Casey._ She didn't feel anything, not even satisfaction at a job well done. She was numb, and bordered on careless. She hadn't had a partner in years, couldn't stomach one anymore. She didn't want to talk, didn't want to deal with anyone else.

There was enough going on in her head without someone else's noise.

She'd signed on for fifteen years, and that fifteenth year was almost at its end. She'd never before imagined not continuing. Now she couldn't think of anything but the end.

She pulled on a colorful jacket and skirt, suddenly morphing the all black ensemble into casual fashion, hitting street level and melding into the bustling market of Madrid.

"Pretty lady need a flower," came a halting voice to her right.

She turned to look with a friendly smile and froze.

The little boy held out a sunflower.

She gave him the five euros in her jacket pocket and practically snatched the flower away from him. The tears were just as useless to the flower as they were to her – water on a dead thing, fruitless effort to force life where there was none.

She shuddered, closing her eyes and pressing her face to the center of the flower, letting the petals dry her tears.

***

He caught a glimpse of blonde hair streaking around the corner from the Morgan Door, and his stomach twisted and dropped. He stepped out and around to the shadows of the outer courtyard. "Sarah?" he whispered. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. _Get a hold of yourself, Chuck, _he admonished himself. He stood quietly, letting the early morning dew soak his socks and cool his blood, eyes closed as he marshaled himself.

And so the featherlight touch to his cheek reflexively forced a high-pitched girlish screech from his lungs.

"Chuck!" she hissed, embarrassed. "It's...me."

_What the – _Chuck forced his eyes open, blinking rapidly. He grabbed the hand still lightly touching his cheek, pressed it to him. He let out a shuddering breath. "God...Sarah..." He turned his face to her palm, relishing the warmth and realness of it. "Sarah," he breathed into her hand.

"Chuck, I...I'm done. I...I quit." She moved her arm from behind her back, holding out a very sad looking sunflower. "A little boy took one look at me in Madrid and said I needed a flower. I thought maybe you did too."

"Sarah..."

"Did you know what a sunflower means?" she asked quietly. "When you gave them to me, did you know?"

Chuck bit his lip and nodded.

"It took me a while to figure it out, to even think to consider it. You were always full of surprises."

"Nerd. Lots of time to think."

"Yeah." Her breath shuddered out as she put her hands on his shoulders and went up on her tip toes. "I like the way you think. I missed it." She leaned in and kissed him lightly, lowering back to the ground after the barest moment. "I missed you." _Did you miss me?_ she wondered. The thought lowered her guard, and the blue eyes that met his brown were open, vulnerable, a little lost. "Do you, still?" She shook the sunflower gently.

He dropped his forehead to hers, and she felt his eyelashes brush her forehead as he closed his eyes. "Sarah," he whispered. "I always adore you."

She tipped her head back and kissed him.

* * *

That's the Way – Led Zeppelin

I don't know how I'm gonna tell you, I can't play with you no more,  
I don't know how I'm gonna do what mama told me, my friend, the boy next door.  
I can't believe what people saying, you're gonna let your hair hang down,  
I'm satisfied to sit here working all day long, you're in the darker side of town.

And when I'm out I see you walking, why don't your eyes see me?  
Could it be you've found another game to play, what did mama say to me?

That's the way, oh, that's the way it oughta be, yeah, yeah,  
Mama say that's the way it oughta stay, yeah, yeah, ooh, ooh

And yesterday I saw you standing by the river,  
And weren't those tears that filled your eyes?  
And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying,  
Had they got you hypnotized?

And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,  
But all that lives is born to die.  
And so I say to you that nothing really matters,  
And all you do is stand and cry.

I don't know what to say about it,  
When all your ears are turned away,  
But now's the time to look and look again at what you see,  
Is that the way it ought to stay?

That's the way... That's the way it oughta be, oh don't you know now,  
Mama said, mama said... that's the way it's gonna stay, yeah. ahh, ahhh, ahhhhhhhh

**A.N**: Working on my Season 3 AU, and wanted to be sure I still had my fluff when I needed it -- I'm off to an angsty start! Hope you enjoyed. :)


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